spider-man 2

Hey! All you people out there claiming that global warming doesn't exist! You better shut your mouth right now. You're upsetting Brooke Shields. And no one upsets Brooke Shields on my watch. Nobody!

After all, science has proven that we're doomed and chances are that the cause will be something we started. Because we're stupid. Each and every last one of us. Sure, we may be trying to contact alien lifeforms using open source code, but don't get cozy and expect to meet a being from beyond the stars anytime soon. When the aliens arrive to ravage our planet and steal our resources in a spot-on re-enactment of Independence Day, we'll all be long gone, boiled to death under our own ozone layer.

How exactly are we the cause of our own terrible demise? Let's take a quick look at a few examples.

This is one of my favorite posters for a comic book movie, and I have it in a tube somewhere, awaiting framing. It reflects the active choice Peter Parker makes in Spider-Man 2, to maintain his Spider-Man identity as a means of helping others. It kind of makes me nostalgic now -- odd for a poster from just a few years ago. I don't think Spider-Man 3 was a proper farewell to that cast, and I would've liked to have seen one more adventure from Sam Raimi with Tobey Maguire in the costume. I don't think I'm alone here.

Nothing to see here, folks. The new Spider-Man is not cast yet. Let's clear the scene. Let the experts continue the investigation.

There were rumors swirling all around these here internets a few weeks back concerning Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief star Logan Lerman entering talks with Sony over taking the role of everyone's favorite wall-crawling, web-slinging superhero. Cue Sam Raimi shaking with rage and Tobey Maguire ordering a strong drink.

This was quickly shot down by Sony and Lerman's people...until the rumors re-surfaced today, apparently even making it onto The Early Show.

Sony has, once again, denied that Lerman is in negotiations and has insisted that they have not entered talks with anybody. Of course, studios and agents are wily these days, so does all of this "No! We're not casting the kid, back off!" really translate to "Yes, we're casting the kid, but we want to keep it quiet so we can offer him a smaller paycheck, so shut up interwebs!"? What a crazy age we live in.

I didn't see Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief, so I cannot judge Lerman in any way, other than to say he looks like the man-pretty type that will appeal to the Twilight crowd, which will be a huge plus for this "high school friendly" reboot. Honestly, I'd be relieved if he wasn't the new Peter Parker, mainly because I wouldn't have to spend six hours typing Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief ever again.

Untitled Spider-Man Reboot is apparently supposed to come out next year. Insert mandatory joke about director Marc Webb's franchise-appropriate last name.

(Via Coming Soon)

Okay, so you're Spider-Man. You can shoot webbing out of your wrists and climb up walls and lift cars over your head. You've overcome countless obstacles, ranging from turbulent relationships to man with robot octopus arms sprouting out of his back trying to end you. You're one of the most popular icons in popular culture, everyone knows who you are what you can do and the three movies based on your exploits have grossed the GDP of an Eastern European country.

What malevolent force can stop you? What sort of evil can put an end to the amazing Spider-Man?

Looks like the answer is creative bickering between the studio honchos at Sony and director Sam Raimi, whose ongoing bickering over the content of the fourth installment of the series has finally forced the Spidey train to a screeching halt. It all seems kind of silly, really. Raimi wants the villain of part four to be the classic, although admittedly kinda' goofy, Vulture. Sony wants it to be anyone else. Raimi obviously does not want to repeat the behind-the-scenes problems of Spider-Man 3, where he was forced to shoehorn a villain he didn't like (the ever-boring Venom) into his movie. Meanwhile, Sony looks at the box office receipts for Spider-Man 3 and tells Raimi to shut up and get in line because THEY AND ONLY THEY KNOW WHAT THE PEOPLE WANT. Neither intend to budge and there you have it. Spider-Man 4 looks unlikely to hit its release date of May 11, 2011. It may even signal that the series itself is on dying legs.