the road warrior

We all love the end of the world. Don't deny it. You know you daydream about what kind of weapons you'll strap to your dune buggy to help you traverse the post-apocalyptic wastelands. You know you want to wear a leather jumpsuit and do battle with cannibalistic mutants. You know you can't wait to forget about taxes and responsibility and spend the rest of your days scavenging for food and finding new and inventive ways of surviving in the face of devastating horror.

Why do you think we love The Road Warrior? Why did audiences flock to The Book of Eli? Why was Fallout 3 such a huge seller? Because we can't wait to be in the surviving 1% of humanity when The End arrives

Good news! Things are getting apocalyptic all over the place! Start saving water and buying crossbow bolts.

What are the signs?

A brand-spanking new infared telescope has discovered 16 previously unknown "dark" asteroids with orbits close to Earth. They've been given this terrifying name because they don't reflect enough sunlight to be seen by normal telescopes and unless you're looking through this one-of-a-kind telescope, they're completely invisible. Also, the tilted orbit of many of these asteroids makes detecting them significantly more difficult. Scientists estimate that there are about ten thousand or so objects " with masses great enough to cause ground damage" floating around our little planet. Considering that scientists have recently pretty much confirmed 100% that an asteroid collision wiped out the dinosaurs, I say the human race should be wary of all undetectable invisible asteroids with odd orbits floating about our solar system.

* The headline became too unwieldy, but, just so you know, my original title was: "The Top Ten Post-Apocalyptic Sci-Fi Flicks With Dogs, Hot Chicks, Robots, or Zombies." Please consider the following list accordingly!

In these difficult economic times, it's encouraging to see that hundreds of people found gainful employment destroying the world (again). Roland Emmerich's 2012 opens tomorrow and apparently employed every living soul who knows how to create havoc on the big screen. The trailer promises large-scale destruction of well-known landmarks, a prescient, disheveled, very concerned parent / ex-husband (John Cusack), and last-second narrow escapes. That doesn't sound too familiar, does it?

Meanwhile, The Road, which finally opens November 25, stars Viggo Mortensen in an adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's bleak, devastating novel about a father and son trudging through a post-apocalyptic world with nary a glimmer of hope. Between those two extremes -- popcorn and pessimism -- lie my favorite kind of post-disaster flick: reasonable possibilities in a world forever changed -- but still with dogs, hot chicks, robots, or zombies.

1. Mad Max 2 (AKA The Road Warrior)

George Miller pushed Max (Mel Gibson) to the edge in the first film; in the sequel, Max well illustrated the changes wrought upon ordinary people by extraordinary circumstances, as the family man was transformed into the ultimate loner, an action hero for the new millenium. Thrills, chills, and missing heartbeats play out amidst the carnage of last-chance heroes and the bewildered affection of a feral child. At least Max had his dog.

Yes, it's a long way from the far reaches of outer space to Bora Bora, but you just know that if you managed to get away with your girlfriend for a few days of rest and relaxation, something's going to screw it up. That's what happens to four romantic pairs in Couples Retreat, which was filmed in Bora Bora and opens tomorrow. In the movie, the couples think they'll be able to enjoy of fun and sun in Bora Bora, but instead are forced to undergo couples counseling.

None of the therapists quite rises up to the level of "villain" -- though Jean Reno comes close -- but, as a science fiction fan, I thought it would fun to imagine the sci-fi villains you'd least like to see on an island retreat. It would be impossible to get romantic with these guys around.

1. Jabba the Hut

Talk about a buzz kill! You don't want to head down to the dining room and see this monstrosity sitting next to your table. First, he's make you lose your appetite. Which is a good thing, since he'd eat all the food on the island anyway. Of course, your girlfriend would probably already be wearing a bikini like Princess Leia's in Star Wars Episode VI: Return of the Jedi, but she wouldn't take kindly to enforced slavery. And he'd force you to compete in a real-life battle to the death, which is no way to enjoy your holiday. The only plus: he'd probably eat all the insects in your vicinity.